Dr. Boyce Watkins: Six Ways Single Mothers Can Raise A Sorry Man

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Disclaimer: I did not write this piece. The views and opinions expressed are those of Dr. Boyce Watkins

While on my Facebook page I stumbled on a link one of my friends shared entitled, “Six ways single mothers can raise a sorry Black man” The piece was written by Dr. Boyce Watkins. In his commentary he outlines his six ways. Check out excerpts from his piece below:

1. Never make him accountable.  If he goes to jail, mortgage your house to pay for the attorney.  If he gets fired from his fourth job in a row, of course it’s because he’s Black.  Anything that goes wrong in his life, explain to him why none of it is ever his fault.  Make a long list of excuses for everything he does. If he gets in trouble at school, it’s the teacher’s fault. If he has an angry outburst and attacks someone, it’s because he had too much sugar. Remember: Nothing that he ever does wrong, to anyone, at any time, is ever his fault. Jesus will make him better eventually.

2. Allow him to be lazy. Clean his room for him, wash his clothes, don’t make him do any chores.  Don’t make him work for anything….EVER.  When he’s 32-years old, let him live in your basement and spend the day in his drawz smoking weed and playing Xbox.  He’ll get that record deal eventually.

3. Don’t ever force him to manage his money.  Buy him a lot of really expensive material possessions, like $250 Air Jordans and don’t make him work for any of that money.  If he wrecks the new car you bought him, just buy him another one. Don’t talk to him about saving, investing or being a good provider.  If he wants that 14th tattoo on his neck, go ahead and give it to him.

4. Congratulate him for being a “playa.” Let him treat his girlfriends like garbage without your saying a word.  When he tells you that he got a fourth girl pregnant, just congratulate him and agree to watch the kids while his baby mama is at the club.

When the third baby’s mama asks you about the other girls coming to the house, lie for him so as not to blow his cover.  The world is his oyster, and he has a right to sow his oats without any semblance of responsibility.  Don’t forget to save money to pay his child support for him so he can be free to make more kids without the burden of those gold-digging newborn babies.

5. Don’t make him get an education. If he brings home straight Ds on his report card, just remember that he’s the best player on the basketball team. Go buy him something nice to make him feel better, since those bad grades are going to hurt his self-esteem.

6. Coddle him. He’s your baby after all, even if he is 6’3”, 250 pounds. Never throw him out to the wolves; he won’t make it.  Never force him to stand on his own two feet; he might break a toe nail.  He doesn’t have to be a man for anybody; he’ll always be your baby. If his wife comes around and complains that he’s cheating on her, beating her, or not taking care of his kids, explain to her that he was your man from the very beginning, and he always will be. They should just leave your baby alone.

I can’t say that I disagree much with Dr. Watkin’s he does make some valid points. I do think this message can be directed at not just black young men, but raising boys in general. Ideally it would be great if boys, and children in general for that matter grew up with both parents, but most times that is not the case. What Dr. Watkin’s said is worth considering, I know some will not agree totally with his opinions, but healthy debate is needed. You can read the full commentary HERE. Also check out Dr. Watkin’s weblog at www.boycewatkins.com

Periodically waitwaitwhut.com will feature socially conscious topics/articles. Celebrity gossip and entertainment news is great, but being in the know is always good as well!

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4 thoughts on “Dr. Boyce Watkins: Six Ways Single Mothers Can Raise A Sorry Man

  • January 11, 2014 at 7:59 pm
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    “Periodically waitwaitwhut.com will feature socially conscious topics/articles. Celebrity gossip and entertainment news is great, but being in the know is always good as well!”…..my, my , my..look at what the new year has brought in. I hope by “periodically” you mean more than once per year.

    Anyhoo….As for Dr. Watkins…I’m conflicted on this one. Technically he is correct, although the blame cannot be placed squarely at the feet of black women. Of course we know that there is plenty of blame to go around for failed parenting, but I am a firm believer that the natural order is for fathers to provide the discipline during child-rearing, not mothers. Not saying that mothers are not supposed to discipline children, but father absenteeism that is pervasive in the black community has forced our women to assume roles that they are not naturally designed for (i.e, disciplinarian).

    So, again, I’m not going to do something I rarely do, and that is take his words at face value. The sad reality is, many women are guilty of exhibiting this behavior when it comes to raising their sons. Isn’t it funny how a woman can have both male and female children and raise them completely different? Usually the daughters are raised with higher expectations. They are taught to be independent, disciplined and conscientious. Not so much with the sons. I have seen this dichotomy played out in our communities time after time.

    Side note: I had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Watkins at a conference several years ago. To say that the man is garrulous would be an understatement.

    Reply
    • January 11, 2014 at 9:42 pm
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      Reality_check we agree with you that the blame can’t be squarely placed at the feet of black women. We found the article to be a great conversation piece, but it is only the tip of the iceberg where this issue is concerned. It is very funny that a women can raise a male and female child and raise them completely different. It is a weird phenomenon. While it is possible for a woman to raise a successful, independent, disciplined, conscientious man, nothing beats having a household with a strong male role model, but that would be in a perfect world. Reality_check we kind of gathered that Dr. Watkins is garrulous in watching some of the videos on his website. As far as featuring articles of this nature “more than once per year” I guess you will just have to continue to visit the site to determine that. You might find this one interesting as well>> http://waitwaitwhut.com/2013/11/21/stopped-and-frisked-for-being-a-fking-mutt-video/ Thanks for your comments we appreciate them!

      Reply

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